Today I am meeting with the hypnotist of Assente and will be working this afternoon and this evening and he’ll put me into a…first he’ll relax me which is pretty standard yoga, like where you just go and you concentrate and you’ll just go into a pretty deep relaxation. And then he’ll put me in a trance state, and then in the trance state he might ask me ‘what do you want to do?’, ‘so what’s up?’, ‘what are you interested in?’, ‘what do you want to do today, what’s different from last time?’
And then we’ll have a conversation and he will take notes as to what I want to do and then this evening he will bring those notes back and we’ll have a discussion again and then it will be… like there will be an idea.
And then the audience will arrive and that’s always such a weird feeling to feel all the energy coming in and the heat that comes from the audience.
And then I’m brought out there, or I go out there and it’s like entering a void. It is a creepy thing. I don’t know what I’m going to do. What I do is always…it’s so particular…it’s such a particular feeling to go out there and not really have anything to do because I have to wait for myself to do something. How and what do you do when you’re waiting when there are all those people and there’s an empty stage and I’m…it’s like the actor’s nightmare forgetting your lines, I mean there are no lines to remember so I guess that’s one thing. But then again if nothing comes out nothing comes out and that’s always a possibility.
I’ll find myself doing the same thing I did the time before and the time before that and the time before that and the time before that like drawing on the floor…tape…I have to get some tape…we need some tape…just for instance, I put masking tape on the floor and what I’ve done is I’ve marked between me and them, I put a line between me and the audience, and I do that every time. But to what extent do I do it because I do it? Not because of any kind of special reason other than I’ve done it last time, last time I did it, the time before that and I’ll do it again this time.
Every performance there’s always a new thing, there’s always something that I didn’t do before, there’s always something. It might be a tiny thing, and then a lot of stuff I’ve done before but it’s done it’s like…oh you know…because we fall into patterns, maybe that sense of the trance state. People ask this question ‘are you totally unconscious?’, no you’re not totally unconscious, you have a kind of a hyper consciousness as well.
“sublimal, sublimal, sublimal, sublimal, sublimal, sublimal, sublimal, sublimal, sublimal, sublimal, sublimal, sublimal, sublimal, sublima sublimal, sublimal, multiply, multiply, multiply, multiply, multiply, multiply, multiply, multiply multiply..”
It’s not like you’re knocked out, and it’s not like you’re not aware, you are aware and there’s this odd odd relationship to yourself.
“you fucking shit, I know what you’re doing you fucking asshole, get your fucking hands off I’m trying to read the paper, you fucking fuck, you fucking fuck you are an asshole a truly awful, awful fuck face, you know, you know what you’re a fake cunt, you’re a fucking fake cunt, you’re not even fucking real, you don’t know what you’re doing, you’re up there pretending, you’re up there pretending, you’re a fake and you’re not even a funny fake you’re a sad, sad fake.”
I’ve used the word fake quite often, I did that to get it out of the way because that seems to be what everyone wants to see, is it real or is it not real, is he faking, how is this happening, what’s happening here, and so it all becomes a test for them. It would be much easier if it wasn’t a test and they were just like okay this is a body of work that we’re seeing and dah, dah, dah and what happens happens, but it’s never like that.